3. Techniques

Re-Evaluation/Goal Setting/Celebration

The word 'evaluate' means 'to ascertain amount of' ... 'find numerical expression for' (The Concise Oxford Dictionary).

I therefore find it difficult to precisely define the word...

'RE-EVALUATION' in the context of co-counselling since the possibilities open to fully interpreting this word seem to rely on an 'understanding' of what this means. My understanding is as follows:-

'To ascertain again the amount of ('truth')

At this point I bring in other 'like' words, namely Re-examine, Re-establish, Re-fashion, and Re-decide. All seem to have a relevance. In order to more fully understand Re-evaluation, I have divided the analysis into two parts:

1. The act of re-evaluation

When I talk about what Re-evaluation is, I am linking this specifically with our Belief Systems - the core of our behaviour. So the Act of Re-evaluation is, for me, the ability to ascertain the 'truth' of an early laid down self-belief and the decision to change it because the 'truth' no longer applies. Beliefs are usually in the form of "I am" statements e.g. "I am no good" "I am lazy" or injunctions such as "I must be perfect" "I have to please my parents (the world)".

2. The process of re-evaluation

"Re-evaluation in co-counselling occurs when certain conditions are present" (John Heron)

The following is my understanding of these conditions and their consequences:

Cathartic Release: the nature of catharsis has been dealt with in a previous section. It will suffice to remind the reader that the purpose of discharge is to clear away the distress of an early critical incident. Do not confuse the necessity to discharge emotion with the purpose of discharge which is to gain insight and be able to re-evaluate. The effect of catharsis is therefore to gain insight.

Insight: the mind is liberated through catharsis to make a truly discriminating appraisal of what was really going on in the early critical incident and in subsequent re-plays.

Understanding of old Patterned Behaviour: the person's intelligence previously occluded by inhibited emotional tension will be released. This enables them to see clearly what it was they needed at the time and how this need was interrupted and how the pain around this interruption has given rise to a set of elaborate past behaviours (patterns). Asking the client to say how the original hurt has effected their lives enables them to begin to formulate new behaviours in their current life.

Belief Formulation : seeing clearly what it was they needed, the person is now able to ascertain what it was they learnt to believe about themselves and why. By understanding how the belief was formed and the inappropriateness of this in their current adult life the client is in a place to ascertain the 'real truth of their authentic self' and what they can now believe about themselves.

Behavioural Re-decision: with their new understanding the client can begin to formulate the ways in which their behaviour can be freed from these now obsolete patterns. A new set of responses can be formulated, under-pinned by their new found belief.

(This is my explanation of the various stages in the process of re-evaluation within co-counselling. I am sure that outside of co-counselling alternative ways for changing inappropriate beliefs exist).

Goal Setting

Re-evaluation frees the client to create new behaviour and feeling states in similar future situations, which is what goal setting is all about. By applying the understanding and insight to the future, this firms up the work he/she has just done.

Celebration

This ideally comes at the end of each session. Asking the client to celebrate something about themselves usually directly related to the session, aids in further reinforcement of the work and insight achieved. Positive affirmations of the natural self are powerful tools of change and are not to be overlooked. I put it to you that you are the best friend you ever have. You are there when you wake up, when you need comfort, when you want to go anywhere. The most reliable person you know, you are therefore worth valuing.

Celebration also becomes a growing theme in co-counselling communities. Beginning with the notion at the end of each session to opening and closing circles, where the positive celebration of self and/or a specific aspect of another is invited. Group exercises reinforce the right to celebrate the positive aspects of ourselves. (see additional material)

Rules in Co-counselling

1. Confidentiality

There are three fundamental basic reasons for not mentioning the client's material content to them after a session or at any future date:

1. Talking about content can unpack the work just completed. Insights take time to integrate. The person will do this unconsciously if allowed the space with no interference.
2. It is really none of anyone else's business. The problem belongs to the client who is the only one to decide whether it is brought up in conversation. A counsellor who has been privileged to be a party to a client's problems during a session, has no right to discuss, mention or even enquire about the subject. The argument sometimes put forward during training is that it seems an uncaring attitude not to show concern about another's problems. This leads to the second point which is:-
3. An enquiry of this nature, however well intentioned, is a kind of interference or 'knowsiness' that says more about the questioner's need to know than sensitivity to the other person's emotions and space. The client has more than likely moved on from where they were when working originally through the issue. Although insight, understanding and resolutions for future action can be taken during a co-counselling session, further insights and understanding very often also evolve during the daily life of the person after a co-counselling session. It is therefore totally irrelevant to remind the client by an enquiry of where they were, and is also illogical when the problem may no longer exist or may have changed in character.

2. No physical violence

Safety in sessions is only ensured if this rule is understood, agreed to and observed. Being with another human being whilst they release their fear, anger or other energetic types of emotion, is safe only when the client fully respects this rule. The release of anger in our society is seen to be a negative type of behaviour and therefore 'a bad thing' to do. One reason for this is that anger is usually experienced as an outburst of emotion with the angry person being 'out of control' - this situation may then lead to violence or destruction to other persons or property. A very real fear has thus built up as a result of these connections being made, but anger does not have to be equivalent to violence to others or property.

A considerable part of co-counselling training is devoted to the education of 'safe' ways to release anger, fear etc., safe here being for both the client and counsellor. The fact that there are 'safe' ways available, without violence to others or destruction of property, does not in any way mitigate the effectiveness of the release of these emotions. In co-counselling we use cushions, mattresses or other soft, non-destructible items - never another human being or valued objects. Destructible items such as cardboard boxes, newspaper, can be used if some 'real' destruction needs to be seen or felt.

3. Equal Time

This means equal time as counsellor and equal time as client in one session. The time is agreed by the two people concerned prior to a session e.g.. 10 minutes or half an hour each way whatever time suits and is required by both parties. This aspect of equality underpins the whole concept of co- counselling - one human being, equal to another human being (in 'humanitarian terms') assisting and being assisted to work through issues. Where there is unequal time it can be argued that here is an unequal ability/power to give and be given to, which goes against the co-counselling principle of a peer and reciprocal relationship and can also have its basis in 'Patterned' behaviour.

4. Client decides contract to be used

At each co-counselling session, the person who is the client decides which contract they want to use. The counsellor accepts this decision and keeps to it throughout the time they are in the counsellor role.

5. Responsibility

It is an important concept of co-counselling that the client takes full responsibility, whilst working, for that session. The counsellor is there to support, and where a normal or intensive contract is requested, to draw attention to and make suggestions about the client's cues, using co-counselling techniques.

6. Owning Statements

From the beginning of a Fundamentals course co-counsellors are encouraged to use the pronouns 'I', 'me' , 'mine', etc., when talking about the self. It is more usual in our culture to use the words 'you', 'one', or 'we'. This in effect creates a dissociation from the self. The techniques of co-counselling aim to redress this and put ourselves in touch with our own feelings, actions and perceptions. Using 'I' etc., does this. It is also not possible to speak for another person either in perception or emotion. The use of 'you' is only advocated when addressing another person.

6. Do not Advise, Judge, Interpret or Comfort

As a counsellor in a co-counselling session it is a fundamental condition that advice and judgements are not given. This is an enabling concept which allows the client to take responsibility for their self and to work at their own depth and pace. How and what the client works on is entirely up to them. The allotted time span (originally agreed by both parties) is to be used in any way by the client which does not violate any of the rules of co-counselling. The solution to a person's problems lies within their 'self'. The value of self-discovery cannot be over-emphasised, both in the solution being the best fit for the client concerned and by experiencing the joy of discovery.

Within this method is a self-commitment and motivation for the client to accept their own solution. Accepting another person's perceived solution is never the same and even if 'spot on' can carry with it an overload of parental or 'significant' others' input. Telling someone how to behave or to take some form of action is therefore avoided in co-counselling. Learning to accept (not necessarily like) another human being and their individual right to be who and what they are and to attach no conditions to this is also part of the philosophy of co-counselling. This underpins a large part of the techniques.

7. No artificial mood changers

e.g. drugs, alcohol. The influence of such changers is to further become out of touch with emotions. Since co-counselling aims to access our feelings in order to learn how to express them appropriately, any artificial means of suppression is not acceptable.

Have to - Choose to

Exercise in pairs
Firstly 1 minute each way on all the things I have to do, e.g.

• I have to get dressed
• I have to go shopping
• I have to clean my teeth, etc. etc ....

Counsellor only listens.

Secondly 1 minute each way on all the above but changing the "I have to" to "I choose to" - whether or not there is a feeling of choice e.g.

• I choose to get dressed
• I choose to go shopping
• I choose to clean my teeth, etc. etc

Counsellor can prompt if client leaves anything out.

This exercise highlights the notion of 'self directed' behaviour as against 'other directed' behaviour.

Feelings of 'pressure' and possibly being stifled, can be experienced when we give our power away and allow others to determine how and what we should do or be. Understanding the principle of choice in our own lives is to introduce two major principles:-

1. that any person has the right to live their life in a manner that is most acceptable to them
2. that in the living of their life, full responsibility is taken for the consequences to self and others.

These two principles acknowledge freely the interdependence of people with each other. This means that if a relationship is important or a job is important, introducing the element of choice in the maintenance of these important life states creates a different perspective, one that is less 'onerous', less 'pressurised'.

Let me propose that right now you are where you need to be. This is not to imply that you like how things are for you, only that you have set things up for yourself in order to learn something important. It is my belief that we give ourselves problems to work through. When this has been accomplished we move into a different arena where those previous problems do not exist since they are no longer necessary for our learning. We are now available to meet other problems.

Let us further take this notion that we are masters of our own Destiny. This argument begins with the proposal that Humans are a form of energy. Other animals and plants are also energy. We are all essentially composed of similar substances i.e. Carbon, Oxygen, Nitrogen etc., in different proportions. All are energy. This being the case, whatever emanates from a human is also energy. So thought is a light form of energy and as such must make a journey. All creation begins with a dream. The chairs we sit on, the tables we eat from, all began as a dream in the mind of a human being. Dreams are thoughts.

I like to think of thoughts as strands of wires emanating from the brain and at the far end having a plug with which to find a socket. Thoughts make connections and contacts and have a bearing on the future state. How often have you heard people say - 'whatever I do seems to turn out wrong' and conversely the opposite. Those people are setting the scene for their future. "Say it and it will happen".

In the above two ways we create our own lives. This is both an empowering and responsible thought. (Interested readers may like to refer to Joseph Chiltern Pearce, The Bond of Power, Meditation and Wholeness, Chapter Three)

The gull sees farthest who flies highest
Jonathan Livingstone Seagull Richard Bach (1973) Pan Books Ltd

Contracts of Co-counselling

1. Free Attention
2. Normal
3. Intensive

These are the three types of co-counselling contracts. A particular contract is always chosen by the client at the commencement of a session. Understanding these contracts enables both the client and counsellor to work together in a harmonious and enabling manner.

You get what you give
and giving is
Learning to give whether you get
anything back or not - otherwise you are trading

Free Attention

In my opinion, giving time to another human being is one of the greatest gifts available, since Time is a finite commodity.

Free Attention is the first type of co-counselling contract. It is the only contract that the counsellor in any session is obliged to give. It is a very special kind of listening skill and to generally describe it I use the phrase 'being outwith'. This usage of the word 'outwith' is in a different context than commonly applied. To explain:-

The counsellor is 'out' of themselves and 'with' the client. 'Out' here meaning free from their own emotional response to the client's material.

Conversely, a counsellor who is not 'out' of themselves will be connecting with their own material and reacting emotionally in some way to the client. This reaction can range from being very restimulated and experiencing their own grief, sadness etc. which may prevent their continuation as counsellor - to an enthusiastic encouragement to the client to try a technique because 'all will become clear' for the client. These behaviours are indicative that the counsellor is not totally 'with' the client.
'With' means being able to achieve a deeper and broader picture of the client's material, and also the ability to objectively pick up the cues which the client gives.

Learning to be 'out' of ones emotions as a counsellor is a gradual process which begins with the acceptance of the conscious concept of being 'outwith'. By setting this as a desirable goal and continuing to work on ones own material as client, enables the counsellor to become free of as much restimulation as is possible.

1. Eye Contact

In giving free attention, it is necessary to support the client with gentle eye contact, i.e. one that does not intrude or at worst, distract the client. It is a way of showing the client that as counsellor you are there, accepting him/her non-judgemental and with positive regard, as a person in their own right. This is a most enabling experience for helping the client to feel safe and one which will aid the client for working on distressing material.

2. Physical Touch

This can be both enabling and restricting depending on how it is used, and the historical experience of the client.

A smothering type of embrace is probably more to do with the need/perception of the giver. In order to give added support to a distressed client, a gentle touching of the hand/foot, which in effect says "I'm with you whilst you work through this material", is likely to be most helpful. If a client needs more, then s/he is at liberty to ask. Gentle holding while the client discharges can be very enabling. However, a word of warning here. It is possible that some clients may find even a gentle touch sufficient to stop them discharging emotion. The reason can be explained by previous conditioning processes when, as a child, the distressed adults around have held (down) and patted (down) the child with the verbal or non-verbal messages "there, there, don't cry" (because if you cry that puts me in touch with my own distress and I can't bear it).

The process of accepting and not becoming distressed by a client's discharge when being counsellor is learnt through experiencing the process as client. A counsellor is largely as effective as s/he is effective as client.

3. No Interventions

The contract of free attention is a silent one. This gives the client free reign to explore their own issues without any interruptions. "THE SOLUTIONS TO ALL OUR PROBLEMS LIE WITHIN US". The client, thus enabled, can make an uninterrupted journey of exploration. Freedom to explore out own problems in this way is very rarely experienced. Usually others are only too eager to offer their advice and help which leads on to a further condition of free attention.

4. No judgments or advice

A counsellor giving either of these is in effect imposing their own perspective about the situation. This is likely to be the result of their own life experience of a similar situation. However, it is never possible to really know how it is for another person, and as a result of this the solution offered is unlikely to be useful. Even worse, it can hinder the client in finding the best solution to their problems for their self. Since the client is the only one in this scenario who knows all the variables - his/her own feelings and belief systems - then logically it is the client who, given time, is the only person to be able to come up with the solution that 'fits best' into their life. Getting to the solution oneself, understanding the situation in a different light is a most rewarding experience. Being told, is not the same thing at all and can remove the joy and subsequent commitment to dealing with the problem. It is not uncommon to hear of a parent who complains that s/he has told little Johnny time and time again not to do this or that. My response is that s/he can continue to 'tell little Johnny' a thousand and one times more and still. not achieve any change. Understanding through arriving at the solution oneself is more likely to lead to a commitment and fulfilment.

There are also other important underlying messages when giving unsolicited advice and it goes something like this:- "I can see your problem clearer than you" or "you need me to sort your problem out" or "you cannot sort out your problems yourself" or "you are stupid - can't you see....... " etc., etc., which is implicitly informing the client that s/he is no good/of no use/has no ability to cope etc., etc. This is a 'big number' to lay on another person, and again it is more likely to be the counsellor's/advice giver's 'material' of needing to be needed/regarded etc..

Free Attention is not easy. All the techniques in co-counselling, whilst simple, require a degree of skill rather like learning to ride a bike. Once all the separate skills have been put together then the operation becomes smoother and easier.

Remember, co-counselling is never a conversation. In addition, experiencing the giving of Free Attention enables the counsellor to learn important principles prior to using all other techniques in co-counselling.

Be aware of non-verbal signs

As a counsellor with full attention 'out' and 'with' the client, there is much to notice - body posture, movements, words used, tone of voice and eye movements. In being totally aware of these by being 'out', it is possible for the counsellor to be much more 'with' the client. A useful goal to aim for in noticing what the client is doing etc., is to be only a 'second' behind in this process. Practising this skill of being a 'second' behind what the client is expressing, will enable the counsellor to increasingly be alert to clues the client is giving. Free attention is the foundation for this skill.

Not Necessary to Understand

'Understand' is used here in the conventional sense of knowing who 'Aunt Mabel' is or why 'Allen' was bad tempered. Questions to the client - checking out about the problem - are irrelevant since the client already knows who Aunt Mabel is and possibly why Allen was bad tempered. Understanding in this conventional sense is therefore not useful to the client.

Other counselling techniques (not co-counselling) describe listening skills as active listening. This is a method where by a counsellor checks with the client about the problem in order for the counsellor to fully understand. This is not a technique used in co-counselling.

Furthermore, a question to the client asking about something they have said, maybe to do with the questioner (counsellor) wanting to know, could be an intrusion into client time. Such questioning may direct where the client goes in his/her journey and this pathway may not be, appropriate or necessary to the client. In effect, it can interrupt the client's own journey and become counsellor directed rather than client directed. (All interventions taught in co-counselling are aimed at facilitating the client to maintain their own journey. The concept and practice of free attention is the first most vital and enabling component in this process prior to interventions being taught and practised).

Understanding in the co-counselling sense is to be aware of all the ways in which the client is expressing themselves. It is therefore possible to give free attention to another person who speaks a foreign language and for this to be totally enabling for the client.

Coming Back After a Session

Knowing how to come back to 'here and now' awareness at the end of a session is a bit like learning how to stop a car prior to first learning to drive. It is in a sense a real safety net/life line which allows deep feelings to be explored.

At the end of your client's session always use these techniques to bring your client back into 'present time'. It is a method which draws attention away from the past 'hurt material'. Distracting the client through observation of their surroundings or being physically involved in an activity, all help the client to 'leave' the material. In my view it is more of a counsellor led activity to ensure the client is fully present in the 'here and now' before switching roles or returning home.

N.B. Please note that this technique is necessary even when a Free Attention contract has been agreed. Coming Back occurs after the session work has been completed.

Normal Contract

This is the second type of contract available and heralds all the techniques that follow. The counsellor in fulfilling this contract for the client draws attention to those clues the client is missing - verbally or non-verbally in ways defined later on in this manual, when the client appears to have lost their way, to be blocking, to be in pattern or to be missing their own cues.

NB: These interventions are always aimed at facilitating the client to maintain their own journey and to find their own solutions. When learning the co-counselling interventions it is useful to remember that as counsellor you can only make a tentative mental guess about what is going on for the client. The interventions therefore need to be in the form of suggestions i.e. reminders of a potentially useful way of working in the session. Remember:-

1. The client is in charge and can accept or reject any suggestion (incidentally that is all they are rejecting not you the counsellor)
2. When offering an "inappropriate" intervention it can highlight for the client what is 'right' for them - so it still leads to a discovery.
3. Where there is an acceptance that the deep unconscious knows who it is best to work with on a particular issue, then the interventions of the counsellor are likely to be right for that client at that particular time.

Confidence in suggesting any of the following techniques to a client in a co-counselling session is gained through experiencing them as client. One rule that I find generates safety is: - I never ask my client to go where I have never been myself.

Implicit in a co-counselling contract is the acceptance by both parties that the client is in charge. It is therefore irrelevant when making suggestions to ask them if they want to do this or that, since the client can always refuse. Making direct suggestions such as 'do/say that again - louder', will serve to move the client on unless they decide otherwise. Deciding whether they will or not is to add another irrelevant dimension to their implicit willingness to work, since they have already requested a session and decided on the type of contract. Finally, in facilitating this type of contract, the counsellor never has any certain knowledge about what is going on for the client or what the client needs. The only things to go on are the cues given by the client, who will, to a greater or lesser extent, lay out his/her stall in front of you. As a counsellor it is important to remember that all interventions will not elicit a response or even be 'appropriate' for the client. Keep trying things out, be flexible and open to what is going on for the client. Let go of suggestions that do not work - give them away freely; go with those that seem meaningful to the client.

Some Counsellor Interventions

• "How about ...?"
• "I suggest you ..."
• "May I make a suggestion ..."
• "Would you like to ..."

"And if anyone knows anything about anything", said Bear to himself, "its owl who knows something about something," he said, "or my name's not Winnie the Pooh" he said. "Which it is" he added. "So there you are."
"The Tao of Pooh" - Benjamin Hoff 1982 Methuen Children's Books

What's the Thought?

A client, making a journey in a session, is likely to have other thoughts which emerge from the unconscious mind and seemingly flutter across their conscious mind. These thoughts are a bit like butterflies flying past. An invitation from the counsellor (who has noticed this happening) to 'catch hold' of one of these thoughts in order to examine it, can lead to deeper material. Counsellor intervention "What's the thought?", "Thought?"

Eye Movements

When a person looks up they are 'seeing' images either constructed (i.e. future or how things could be) or remembered (a past event). When remembering what has been said in the past, the eyes will move sideways and when feelings are being expressed then usually in a right handed person the eyes will look downwards and to the right (left handed people to the left). This, according to Bandler and Grinder, is a demonstration of how we access stored material and the sequences of eye movements demonstrate how we organise our thinking and feeling processes in response to events being talked about.

In order to pick up the client's fleeting thoughts it is necessary to notice their eye movements. When a person looks upwards while speaking it is likely to assume they are 'seeing' pictures of an event - in other words a thought has popped in. This looking up may be to the right or left or even shift from one to the other. The intervention 'what's the thought?' or 'thought?' will be sufficient for the client to recognise that they have had a thought and to make the choice of working on it or not.

My experience of working on these subconscious thoughts is that whilst they may at first glance appear to be totally irrelevant to the subject being worked on, in some way they do have a real significance when explored. Quite often this is a way into emotions and past associations. The reason for this is not hard to understand. As human beings we are constantly giving messages/clues to the world at large. To use another analogy displaying 'tips of icebergs' about our subconscious feelings and beliefs. To identify the tip and to explore it can lead to larger, hidden parts of ourselves, the deeper larger part of the iceberg lying below the surface. As with all the techniques, this is a way in to these unconscious 'hidden' depths. An experienced client will become more and more accustomed to recognising these thoughts popping up and will be able to hone in on them (without prompting) saying "The thought is........... "

Debunking a Myth

There is a commonly held mis-conceived notion which states that a person who "doesn't look you straight in the eyes when talking to you" is not to be trusted. This is going against the natural accessing process which is necessary to use when talking, because when recalling incidents it is natural to use our eyes to follow our internal ways of recalling what we have seen, heard and felt, and our eyes move appropriately to do this. To impose a 'fixed' look ahead is to prevent the speaker recalling the events accurately and incidentally is more likely to result in a 'misstatement'. Therefore to order a child to "look at me when you speak to me!" is a totally unnatural and inappropriate command for the child to follow. (Bandler and Grinder 1979). Similarly the client in co-counselling, who is naturally more likely to look around whilst speaking, cannot continuously look directly at the counsellor. At the same time the counsellor, who is not accessing internal thoughts and feelings, can maintain gentle eye contact with the client.

Body Movements and Thoughts

When a client suddenly moves his/her body while talking, this is also an indication of an energy charge moving through the body, stemming from a thought that has just occurred (another indication that thought is energy). Attention can be drawn to this with the same phrase 'What's the thought?'.

Literal Description

The client is invited to describe the relevant events which may have occurred either recently or way back in time, as if they are really happening now. The client is therefore encouraged to use the present tense for describing what they can see, what they can hear, smell, touch etc., and then the emotions associated with an event are more likely to be re-experienced. This time however, there is a difference. By experiencing these emotions again (and remember, - if they were not in us already, we could not experience them) they can now be experienced in a way that was not possible at the original incident by:

• Fully discharging the grief, fear, etc., in a safe and supportive place - the here and now.
• Speaking to the person(s) and expressing both verbally and non-verbally, what was not possible at the time of the original incident. When speaking to the 'people' in the experience, the client is encouraged to talk to them as if they are present and to use the word 'you'.

(Use also 'talking to the cushion' technique, or counsellor in 'role play'). Story-telling and talking about, are to be discouraged as they dissociate the emotion from the event and the emotion needs to be discharged in order to clear the way for insight to occur.

Deal with unfinished business

In working through the emotion of a past event, the client gains insight about what was really going on for them, and also for the significant other people in the same scenario. Finding his/her own power to now deal with the situation in a new way is an enabling process. This dealing with the 'unfinished business' of the past aids in the healing process, because having dealt with the problem, the burden is not carried around anymore. The client is freed from any 'oppression' of the original event. Energy is released for daily living and insight of the self-worth of the client is realised. Life can then be viewed from a different perspective.

In using co-counselling to deal with our past hurts I use the analogy of dismantling a log fire. We first take off the top logs to begin with - those that can more easily be removed and then we are able to work around to the deeper larger ones. Co- counselling does not mean doing it all at once - you decide.

Some Counsellor Interventions

• "How old are you?"
• "When was the first time?"
• "Say that in the present tense."
• "What do you need to say/do to x?"
• "Can you say that directly to x?"
• "Can you say/do to x what little ... couldn't at the time?"

Balance of Attention

In order to dip back into the past, it is necessary to keep what is known as a 'balance of attention'. This is where the 'adult' client allows their self to reach down and back in time to the unexpressed feelings of the 'child' within whilst at the same time keeping part of their awareness in the 'here and now'. By being aware of the 'here and now' and at the same time allowing their 'past child' to scream/shout/sob/shake etc. the locked in emotion can be safely and fully discharged. An imbalance occurs when the client is so swamped in their material that no attention is in the present. The client experiences a state of 'wallowing in the mire'. This can lead to a reinforcement of the past material. This state is also one in which the client is dis-identified with their original setting so that no real experiencing or learning can take place nor insight occur.

As counsellor you will become increasingly aware of when this might be happening. A way to redress this imbalance is to invite the client to give you eye contact for a brief moment. "Can you look at me?" This will not affect the flow of the work but will aid the 'adult' in the client to balance with the 'child' material. Becoming practised in this technique- of maintaining a balance of attention leads to the ability to work on deeply repressive material.

Repetition/Exaggeration Contradiction

These three connected techniques can be applied to the verbal and non-verbal cues of the client.

Repetition

Asking the client to repeat an emotionally charged statement/phrase will usually access the hidden emotion. As counsellor, encourage the client to stay with the repetition of words or body movements, especially when discharge is taking place, until all the emotion is spent, and the client moves on of his/her own free will.

Exaggeration

Where a client is mechanically repeating a phrase or movement, it can be useful to ask them to exaggerate by saying the phrase louder or making the movement stronger and putting more energy into it. The effect of this is to access the body energy, creating an arousal state which allows the emotions to emerge.

Another way of working with exaggeration is to encourage the client to go with the patterned feeling or body posture. By exaggerating this for as long as is necessary, it will serve to help the client to eventually let go. By going with it totally - the negatives become 'spent' and the client can begin to free themselves of restrictive and incongruent behaviour patterns. Working with Exaggeration and, Repetition allows a client to express in an 'uncensored fashion', all negative thoughts and judgements about someone or a situation they are working on in a session.

Contradiction

Here the client is encouraged to use 'going against statements'. This is likely to intensify distress and produce discharge - initially laughter. The client does not have to believe the contradictions while they are saying them, just use them as leverage to begin to experience the feelings. Clients are encouraged to find contradictions to the uncensored negatives they say.

Especially useful if "stuck" or the negative statements are said as if true or without feeling. This removal of the client's 'qualifications' applies equally to the non-verbals.

Example - 'I love being here' - said at the same time as a leg is kicking out (A mismatch of words and body messages). Contradicting the statement and exaggerating the contradiction at the same time allows the relief of stored tension.

Resistance to discharge has been taught to us from an early age. People vary in their control patterns - some are able to release emotions easily, whilst others remain calm and controlled - compulsively holding in discharge under conditions of tension. Observing these, according to Jackins, is to take notice of things you observe the client doing in the present. By contradicting these, the rigidity is disturbed. So, if a client is talking rapidly - request a slow repetition of one thought repeatedly. The fast talking control will be interrupted and discharge is likely to occur. A client who is holding their body tightly - arms and legs crossed - when contradicted, by uncrossing and opening the arms and legs, can result in discharge. Similarly a 'cool' controlled person can be asked to act in a jittery way etc..

When a client is invalidating him/herself, help them to contradict the pattern by asking them to say 'I am the most handsome, smartest and tidiest hero in the world', or 'I am the most loving, open, beautiful and intelligent woman in the world'.

These contradictions are best said with as much energy as possible - saying them loudly and confidently and allowing discharge to occur, then making another effort to say them loudly, and so on. Making these statements while standing up assists the reduction of restricted bodily control patterns.

Ask the client to try using a specific phrase. If distress feelings get stronger it is a contradiction and will take the client into catharsis. If the client starts to feel better, the phrase is a validation and will bring the client out of catharsis. This makes a good basis for celebration. Experiencing this as client will show you how useful - or not this technique is.

Identity Check

This technique is ideally used when co-counselling with a new partner. The reason is to clear away any connections with past acquaintances.

During our lives we meet many situations and make many associations. This is a useful way of operating since it allows us to connect one set of principles to others that are similar. For example, a child learns that a door knob will open a door. The child remembers this when confronted with other doors having knobs/handles. A human being would make very little progress without this ability to use one experience and by generalising, apply it to other experiences. However, this attribute can work against us and nowhere more markedly than with people. The phrases "Oh I know your sort", or "I just hate people with red hair", are familiar to us. What has occurred is a negative response to a previous acquaintance in a person's life and this negative response is being 'dumped' on a 'here and now' person who in some way resembles the previous acquaintance. This process of generalisation, when applied to another person, who may in some way look or seem like the previous acquaintance, is inappropriate. The similarity is likely to be related to the way a person sounds/looks/does their hair/shape of face or the name they are called by and nothing to do with how they really are as a human being.

Our previous experiences may equally have been 'good' or 'bad' and if we carry either of these feelings around and 'dump' them on another person we have just met, it is illogical and inappropriate. More often than not, we are totally unaware that we are 'dumping'. What happens is that we are inexplicably drawn to, or have a repellent reaction to, a person on or very soon after first meeting/seeing them. There is no way that a person can be 'summed up' so quickly. It is much more likely to be tied in with a previous experience.

Where one previous experience has been 'good', then it is possible for 'unrealistic expectations' for warmth and support to be forthcoming, and eventual surprise and disappointment when this does not happen. This is likely to end up in resentment and statements such as 's/he really let me down', 'when I really got to know him/her they really showed their true colours', will be made. The recipient of the initial warm and friendly emotions is also likely to be confused and wonder what is expected of them. This confusion will turn to bewilderment when they are eventually shunned because they have not "come up with the goodies". Similarly, if a previous experience with another person has been 'bad', then avoidance of similar people may take place and all kinds of angry, resentful feelings are likely to be spilling out, either verbally or non-verbally. Any current person does not deserve the undischarged negative emotions being laid on them which are to to do with the unfinished business of a previous experience. As a co-counsellor, it is important to clear these other 'past people' from the scene, so that they do not get in the way of working with a new partner. The set of phrases used will enable both parties to work on and 'clear' these 'ghosts' from the past allowing each co-counsellor to address each other more clearly. Another useful way to use the Identity Check technique is to ask the counsellor to stand in for the person I have issues about in my every day life i.e. If I have an issue around my boss I ask my counsellor to represent my boss and ask me the sequence of ID-check questions. This enables me to identify who the boss reminds me of, clear any unfinished business, acknowledge the boss for whom s/he is and acknowledge the counsellor for whom s/he is. It is important to de-role the boss as reminded person and the counsellor as my stand-in boss.